More will become of me, very soon. I will become more than I imagined of myself to be as soon as an incident or human being pricks my wounds, for they are currently well rested and bandaged due to the blessed company in my surroundings. Very soon, someone will come along and ask of me tasks I will be horrified to complete or questions I will stutter while answering. After I meet this individual, I will grow in fruitful ways.
I long for this time, when I will be mentally disturbed, for I am sitting in blissful peace at this current moment. Every morning is luxurious and I have blessings in my palms.
Every public place I enter, I search for interruption, corruption, argument, and torture. One must fuck with me, so I have a reason to fight them. I need a reason to beat the walls and destroy material. A reason to claw my fingernails into skin and produce blood. Motivation to run on that cold track until I cannot breathe anymore. I need someone to push me down the stairs, unexpectedly, so I can cherish foul language use again. Someone prompt me to become angry, upset, resentful, or any negative emotion.
This daily optimism, positivity, and urge control is creating progress in ways invisible to my eyes but visible to those who always view my steps as successful. Why can I not see the success you state to be present?
Perhaps, the only way I have seen personal success is through irrational ways- “nonsense, wasteful, and deviant” strategies. Teach me how to see greater success in character growth using “conventional” behavior, if you may.