There was a time, undoubtedly, when I was comfortable with sharing pieces of myself. Pieces of my interior and exterior through variances of touch or verbal communication. Of course, one could share my coffee table area and in fact, I would even have small talk with them. Opening my door for the bystander was becoming less and less difficult; this openness towards people made me feel much more accepting, humble, and embracing towards life.
Today, I am very cautious about sharing my space and time with you or them. It seems as though time is slipping from my control. Yes, clearly I felt as though I controlled time at least at one point. Since I am aware of my distance from all, I search for the reasons behind these feelings.
I have some expectations from myself, to meet the expectations of certain others. Certainly, not you or them, but people devoted to my well being and health. I am creating a divide, health or unhealthy (unknown), between those I know hold sustainable and genuine meaning and those leaving my side tomorrow. As my sugar levels drop on the daily and I faintly re-read my projects multiple times, I am much more careful regarding energy expenditure. Do I really need to invest myself here, do I really want to invest myself here?
Instead of being here and there, I recognize the importance of belonging where I should be and giving to the most deserving. I am a product of many sacrifices and contributions. There is never enough time to thank my well-wishers.