Driving a car in the fog feels like I am running away to a magical world. The clouds from the sky above seem to have come down on the floor- and I know I must absorb this journey now because it only comes here with the weather of Winter. Nothing can be seen around me and yet, I am not scared while driving because perhaps, this is what I long for everyday. To blank myself out of surroundings, maybe, I long for this. To escape into a mystical world and forget everything that has kept me sane for this little while? Maybe, running my vehicle through this fog very fast will leave everything I do not wish to remember, behind me. I have tried and I have succeeded- partially. If portions did erase, though, I would not be this way today. A little bit crooked.
Who am I?
Today, I stay searching for something every single night lurking in some corner; will something pop at me that will change my life around soon? Today, I am unable to commit to any being apart from my own self. I stay selfish and self-indulged, often unable to see those around me in this world. I run hard everyday, knowing I am accomplishing nothing extraordinary but understanding that sitting will also get me nowhere. I have tried, time and time again, to take off into this world on my own with my bags packed but I know, I have the chance to wait so I “could”.. and so, I do. I am not a patient person, though. I try very hard for everything to be at their spot.. or maybe, I used to. Today, I let the boat row itself and always end up facing the consequences. Then, I look next door at the woman who puts in no effort and gains all goods in her lap automatically.
Then, I question shit. Is this shit even real- I mean, is this happening? But then again, if I question as much as I used to, I would re-enter a phase of insanity. Therefore, I shut the fuck up and sit down. I keep sliding slowly on my ass in life, hoping I will hit land eventually.