These things take time ~ Within the last few months, clarity became extremely important in every day living. Rather than acting impulsively in distraught situations, it was very important to breathe and question my feelings. Feelings would not arise from the “blue”- there was always a trigger resulting in the feeling. The difficulty was reaching this mental root of the growing tree to nurture it more efficiently and effectively. Upon every feeling of discomfort, I tried to get to know myself better. I was recognizing my feelings, behaviors, actions, thoughts, and everything internal subjected to external projection.
The greatest state of “Overwhelmia” resulted from too much, too fast. Although as I say, society demands for fast paced lives, this practice was counteractive to my productive self. I was quite rigid with my commitments but the more I engaged, the more disengaged I became from everything that truly mattered. For example, even today, I do not remember the last time my little brother took me into his arms- my favorite place of warmth and grounding. Or, it has been a few weeks now since I visited the temple to express my gratitude or sit with my grandmother and listen to her tunes. I must acknowledge my lack of being while trying to “be”. This recognizance itself is a blessing in disguise; this will act as a preventative measure to ego, arrogance, and overconfidence.
I recall him saying earlier- “Time is an illusion. You should control time, do not allow it to control you”. Today, as I sat in my mentor’s office, she questioned my newly recognized perception towards behavioral demeanor. Reflecting upon his words, I provided her with the worst case scenario resulting from having “no time”; I may lose a job, fall behind in academics, or have outgrown eyebrows. All consequences of “no time” were manageable if completed at a slower pace. In order to fulfill unattended areas, I needed to slow down- slow down to catch up. Oh, the irony.