Love.
Allow me to describe to you the feeling of Love residing in my heart for the past three years, now. I felt as though I found a human being that I was capable of holding hands with. I could do this and be strong all the way through. Every time I looked at this person, I gained all the strength I needed in life to get out of bed and go meet my goals. At the same time, having a small sense of this person in pain made me feel like I need to go find out what is happening in their world- never did I feel this way about my own parents.
Going to bed at night thinking I would have this person here tomorrow gave my mind some sort of peace. No one else could give me a hug, even during our worst moments, in the same manner allowing me to feel okay in life. Solely one honest glance from this person was enough to have me by his bedside asking him to tell me his story; “What have you been through for the past five years- tell me, I want to listen to you. I want to understand you.” Time and time again, I was waiting for completing our daily affairs so I could go back to the nest with my mate. From the bottom of my heart, to every hair standing on my body, I poured my Love into this being. I am not sure why I imagined this person to be here with me laughing as I screwed up, fixed myself, and kept going in life.
I think it was the darkest night I had been out in a while; I was going to a place I was not even fond of anymore. Yet, I felt as though I would arrange something for us and take initiative because I wanted to take a lead. It was pouring rain and not once did I feel his arm around me. I felt my hands freeze in cold wind and yet, he did not extend his palm out to hold my hand.
Still, I tried to hold his body close to mine and dance. Still, I tried to show him I value his time and presence. Still, I tried to show him I would be here with no one else. But he looked at every other person in the room, other than myself. I let go of his sweater and body and began to dance alone. Of course, he let me. Of course, he let me go right there.
Still, there were things to say. Still, he labeled me as the most negative person in his life. Still, he lost feelings for me and continued to say “I Love You”. Still, he continued to make Love and kept my mind in paradise. Still, I kept giving my mind, body, and soul away sincerely and he kept taking it all. I cared about him in honesty and he took my care, time, patience, and efforts. He told me he values every piece I was giving to him so why was I seeing pieces of my heart on the street?
That night I saw pieces of my heart on the street. Every angle had knife stabbings pierced into it. One side had his spit leaking from it. Next door, my entire soul diminished to an eyelash; I became a mere eyelash on the club’s dance floor. On his way out the door as he left my body behind, he stepped on the eyelash. Yet, as my leftover body asked him if I should be his girlfriend still, he replied, “yes”. At that point, I felt like he laid the rest of my body on the floor and took a leak on me.